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Archive for the ‘Humorous Stories’ Category

The intensity on the dog’s face shows more sincerity than most people! 

Be sure you read the prayer  below .  

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‘ Dear Lord: Thank you for bringing me to Timmy’s house and not to Michael Vick’s — AMEN!

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The Greek sage Aristotle once penned, “Even when the laws have been written down, they ought not always remain unchanged.” Not only is this wise advice, but also prophetic. Especially when you focus on some of the driving laws that loiter on the pages of state statutes.

Tennessee, for example, has a law that bans shooting game, other than whales, from moving vehicles. Apparently, this law was authored during an unusually high tide or after too many dizzying spins on a Tilt-a-Whirl at Dolly world. Chances of any whale finding its way into Tennessee via the Cumberland River are about as likely as Tony Danza winning a lifetime achievement award at the Cannes Film Festival. Yet, it exists.

So as to assure that your next cross-country vacation does not get pricked by the thorns of legality, we at DMV.ORG have organized a list of arcane state laws that you should be aware of. For nothing can be more embarrassing than having to phone your attorney from Kentucky for help in escaping a fine for trying to transport an ice cream cone in your back pocket.

Alabama

It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.  It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street as long as a lantern is attached to the front of your car. Driving barefoot is illegal.

Alaska

It is illegal to tie a dog to the roof of your car.

Arkansas

It is illegal for a person to blare the horn on a vehicle at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9 p.m.

California

Any woman dressed in a housecoat is prohibited from driving a car.  It is illegal in San Francisco to buff or dry your car with used underwear. No unoccupied vehicle may exceed 60 miles per hour. 

Florida

If an elephant is tied to a parking meter, the owner or attendant must deposit money in the meter.

Georgia State Assembly members are immune from being ticketed for speeding while the State Assembly is in session. In Marietta, Georgia, it is illegal to spit from a moving car or bus, but is okay from a moving truck.

Illinois

In Evanston, Illinois, it is unlawful to change clothes while inside a car with the curtains drawn, except during a fire.

Kansas

In Derby, Kansas, it is considered a misdemeanor to screech your tires while driving.

Kentucky

If you stop for ice cream while driving, be aware that it is considered unlawful to transport an ice cream cone in your back pocket.

Massachusetts You will be ticketed if you drive with a gorilla in the backseat of your car.

Michigan

If you car breaks down in Detroit and you are waiting for assistance, be aware that sitting in the middle of the
street to read a newspaper is illegal.

Minnesota

It is illegal to cross state lines, regardless if you are walking or driving, with a duck on your head.  And, if you’re crossing into Wisconsin, the law also applies to chickens.  In Minnetonka, Minnesota, if you drive a truck that leaves mud, dirt, or sticky substances on any road, you will be considered a public nuisance who is harming the peace, safety, and general welfare of the town. You cannot ride a motorcycle without a shirt.

Montana

In Whitehall, Montana, vehicles are prohibited from driving with ice picks attached to the wheels.

Nevada

It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway.

New Jersey Drivers are required to beep their car horns before passing another vehicle.If convicted of driving while intoxicated, you permanently lose the option of registering for a vanity license plate.North Carolina

In Dunn, North Carolina, it is illegal to drive on a sidewalk.

Ohio

In Oxford, Ohio, authorities will ticket you if you consecutively drive around the town square more than 100 times.  Keep in mind that if your car breaks down and you phone for a cab, you will be ticketed if you opt to ride on the cab’s roof.

Oklahoma

It is considered illegal to read a comic book while driving.

Oregon

You will be ticketed if you leave your car door open longer than is deemed necessary.  You will be slapped with a Class A traffic violation if you use your car on an Oregon highway to prove your physical endurance.  It is illegal to pump your own gas.

Pennsylvania

If you spy a team of approaching horses, you are required by law to pull to the side of the road and cover your car with a blanket or dust cover that has been painted or sewn to blend into the scenery.  But, if the horses react skittish to your efforts, you are then required to disassemble your car and hide the parts in the nearby underbrush.

South Carolina

In Hilton Head, South Carolina, you cannot leave trash in your vehicle out of fear of attracting rats.

Tennessee

It is illegal to fire a gun at any wild game other than whales from a moving car.

West Virginia

It is perfectly legal, for road maintenance purposes, to scavenge road kill.

P.S. I received this in an email from a friend and it was written by DMV.ORG, which it does state in the 3rd paragraph.  I would not want to FLEECE anything from ANYONE at ANY TIME.  I have stated that I will give credit where credit is due, so I am sorry that I did not specifically state at the end of this post that it was written by them.  I just thought it was great and I thought other people would just like to read this.

As I have said in “About Me”, these are all things that come into my in box and I just put them here so other people can view them also.

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Thank goodness there’s a name for this disorder.
Somehow I feel better, even though I have it!!
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D. –
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway,
I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage,
I notice mail on the porch table that
I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table,
put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,
and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back
on the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think,
since I’m going to be near the mailbox
when I take out the garbage anyway,
I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table,
and see that there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study,
so I go inside the house to my desk where
I find the can of Coke I’d been drinking.

I’m going to look for my checks,
but first I need to push the Coke aside
so that I don’t accidentally knock it over.The Coke is getting warm,
and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke,
a vase of flowers on the counter
catches my eye–they need water.

I put the Coke on the counter and
discover my reading glasses that
I’ve been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk,
but first I’m going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter,
fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.
Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I’ll be looking for the remote,
but I won’t remember that it’s on the kitchen table,
so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
but first I’ll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers,
but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table,
get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to
remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:

The car isn’t washed,

The bills aren’t paid,

There is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter,

The flowers don’t have enough water,

There is still only 1 check in my check book,

I can’t find the remote,

I can’t find my glasses,

and I don’t remember what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,
I’m really baffled because I know I was busy all day,
and I’m really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem,
and I’ll try to get some help for it,
first I’ll check my e-mail….

Do me a favor.
Forward this message to everyone you know,
because I don’t remember who I’ve sent it to.

Don’t laugh — if this isn’t you yet, your day is coming!!

 

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